How does one assess the value of planning for one’s retirement, potential incapacity and/or eventual demise? That is a very personal assessment, notwithstanding that the failure to plan has enormous financial consequences – for the individual, their loved ones and society as a whole. Perhaps a prime and popular example is the failure to make advance heath directives – including appointing an agent under a health care power of attorney and signing a statement of end of life wishes – a/k/a a living will or in Colorado the Declaration as to Medical Treatment. Read here for more useful information from the Colorado Advance Directives Consortium. Many of us, perhaps most, would rather not entertain the idea that our lives will eventually change. Our lives change every day, but whether we mark those changes is up to us!
“In the beginning is relation”
This famous quote by philosopher and theologian Martin Buber is a favorite of mine. In my line of work relation and relationships are keys to planning and realistically assessing how far one can plan as well as the extent to which we must rely on others to assist us in the execution of our planning.
Aging and planning can give us the space to reflect on our values, what has been and remains important to us, and planning can also take much of the burden off our loved ones in the event we face a health crisis during we might be unable to make decisions.
I recently came across Sharona Hoffman’s 2015 book “Aging With a Plan,” and found it very insightful. Hoffman is a law professor and, like many of us who practice in elder law, has life experience with an aging and frail parent. She uses that experience, along with a systematic big picture discussion of a realistic conversation to consider all the alternatives in making plans for one’s aged self.
Many of us assume that, if we have lived in our home independently for 30+, we would never have an intention of leaving that space of storied independence and autonomy. I note here that many elders (I’m including a number of clients and others) are coming to understand that there are good and workable alternative options for housing and community involvement that can nourish and sustain one’s basic human need to be part of a community and to contribute to that community.
I liked Hoffman’s approach to her book because it is founded on the importance of maintaining relationships, through social interaction and being useful (at whatever level). The latter, being useful and having something or someone to take care of, is a fundamental premise in the “green house” nursing home alternative. You can read about that in an article here from the Atlantic Monthly, or more about Dr. Bill Thomas in a 2016 Washington Post article. But I don’t want to get off track in talking about “green houses” . . . .
So what are the components of a plan for aging? We are all familiar with retirement planning (even if the majority of us barely engage in such planning) and its focus on finances. I think part of the repulsion in retirement planning is the focus on finances, many people simply find the savings part a difficult conversation and so stop before considering other aspects of retirement planning or aging with a plan. I consider neither of these often heard comments a plan: “X will never happen to me because my family doesn’t live that long;” or “if I can’t go to the bathroom or feed myself on my own, then just shoot me.” We still don’t understand the role of genetics and epigenetics on the aging process very well and not deciding this very grown-up matter of “what happens if” means that we are shirking the responsibility be forcing someone else to choose for us…..
I recommend Hoffman’s book – it’s easy to read and its focus on several practical concerns including: finances; elders driving; person-centered (not disease-based) health care; and the importance of an exit strategy; demonstrate that the book is very useful – for an elder or elder-in training, or for an elder’s family member to assist with the awkward place of overcoming years of inertia.
© Barbara E. Cashman 2017 www.DenverElderLaw.org