Elder Abuse and Domestic Violence

Elder Abuse Hastens Death

October is domestic violence awareness month.  I have previously explored some of the links between these two dangerous expressions of violence -elder abuse and domestic violence, but I thought it was time to delve into this topic a bit more deeply.  The National Committee for the Prevention of Elder Abuse identifies domestic violence as

an escalating pattern of violence or intimidation by an intimate partner, which is used to gain power and control.

Two broad categories of domestic violence against the elderly can be identified:

“Domestic violence grown old” 

is when domestic violence started earlier in life and persists into old age.

“Late onset domestic violence”

begins in old age. There may have been a strained relationship or emotional abuse earlier that got worse as the partners aged. When abuse begins or is exacerbated in old age, it is likely to be linked to: events such as retirement, disability, changing roles of family members and sexual changes.

Many people might find it curious that some elders would enter abusive relationships late in life, but there is a strong connection between elder abuse and family violence.  Family violence can manifest in a variety of ways, from callous and violent actions toward a pet or other animal which can often lay the groundwork for the “power over” relationships with others, particularly those who are in low power positions such as elders.  Following on this thread, the American Humane Society has identified connections between animal cruelty and human violence.

Effort is Needed to Improve and Streamline the Collection of Data and the Study of Elder Abuse

The study of elder abuse – encompassing its variety of forms and definitions – is still in its infancy.  The Urban Institute’s research report from June 2016, What Is Elder Abuse? A Taxonomy for Collecting Criminal Justice Research and Statistical Data, notes that there is no uniform, national-level definition of elder abuse because the response to elder abuse has occurred primarily at the state and local level.  The report’s proposed taxonomy seeks to grapple with the disconnect between estimating the incidence of elder abuse nationwide when there is such a wide variation in definitions of elder abuse among the states, not to mention how these incidences of such events or crimes is reported among the states.  The report looks at the many layers of elder abuse in terms of what types of acts constitute elder abuse; what kinds of people are the victims; what is the relationship between the perpetrator and the victim; when is elder abuse a crime or not a criminal offense, and why it is important to collect data concerning reports which fall below the threshold of elder abuse.

The fact that the study of elder abuse  – as a form of interpersonal and often domestic or intimate partner violence – is in its infancy does not mean, however, that there are not valuable and helpful resources available, such as these resources from the National Center for State Courts’ Center for Elders and the Courts, which offer educational information for laypersons as well as proposed standards for state courts to improve the courts’ ability to recognize and effectively respond to victims of elder abuse, as well as offering guidance to guidance to and effectively prosecution of these offenses by law enforcement.

The Troubling Intersection of Domestic Violence and Elder Abuse for Elder Women

One of the troubling intersections I came across in research for this post was the element that the elder woman victim may need to pay close attention to which state “system” she enters to report the abuse, as the domestic violence and adult protective service agencies operate independently and define causes of abuse differently.  I found a very helpful article on this topic published by two faculty members of the School of Social Work at Loyola University Chicago.

Fortunately, there is a developing approach to the challenge of identifying, reporting and prosecuting elder abuse which is multidisciplinary in nature.  Not all elder abuse is criminal.  For most of us practicing in the field of elder law for more than a “few years,” there was often a refrain from a law enforcement agency that the alleged abuse was not serious enough (or not a large sum of money involved) to warrant prosecution and so was “a civil matter.”  I remain concerned that there is a wide gulf between what is sufficient to activate the criminal prosecution of elder abuse and how the civil law (including probate proceedings) can provide applicable and appropriate relief to the fullest extent appropriate.

I believe the best policy is to have persons unsure about reporting suspected elder abuse to make the call to law enforcement so that the appropriate government authority can determine the scope of the investigation of the suspected abuse and whether it is appropriate for prosecution.  This reporting, even if it results in no investigation or subsequent prosecution, remains important for data collection purposes.  In this context, as in so many others. . ..  information is power.

© 2017 Barbara Cashman  www.DenverElderLaw.org

Dreaming Into Dying: A Practice for Letting Go

 

dreaming-into-dying

Patience

I thought since last week I wrote on the topic of dreaming into retirement, well – why not take it a step further and look at dreams of the dying or dreams of death?

Research Into Dreams of the Dying

Here’s an interesting article from the New York Times February 2, 2016.  The story is about some work from a team of researchers led by Dr. Christopher Kerr at Hospice Buffalo.   The study was conducted with fifty-nine terminally ill patients, nearly all of whom reported having dreams or visions, most of which were comforting.  The article noted that

The dreams and visions loosely sorted into categories: opportunities to engage with the deceased; loved ones “waiting;” unfinished business. Themes of love, given or withheld, coursed through the dreams, as did the need for resolution and even forgiveness. In their dreams, patients were reassured that they had been good parents, children and workers. They packed boxes, preparing for journeys, and, like Mr. Majors, often traveled with dear companions as guides. Although many patients said they rarely remembered their dreams, these they could not forget.

Reading about “traveling companions” reminded me of a dream my father related to me some weeks before he passed away.

Dreams and Dying as Part of Life’s Process Toward Completion

The article and the research it discusses are remarkable because it addresses one of the taboo subjects around dying as a life process – is there preparation for it with our psyche’s assistance (through dreams or visions) and whether persons sometimes know in advance that death is imminent (notwithstanding the lack of knowledge of an illness).  Our cause and effect, materialist-objectivist obsession with measuring what we can know (or pretend to know, if enough people are in agreement) generally simply denies outright the mystery of the end of life.  But as more people die at home or with hospice and palliative care providers who are not leading a pitched against the “enemy” – collectively disease and death – it seems that we are gaining more personal experience with death and dying.  It might represent a gradual questioning or moving away from the model of technocratic dying in hospitals, where expressions of our relationship with and compassion for dying loved ones generally had to be subjected to the intrusions of our medical-industrial establishment and its protocols administered by “experts.”

A Scientific American Mind article entitled “Vivid Dreams Comfort the Dying” also explored Dr. Kerr’s work, which was published in the American Journal of Hospice & Palliative Care.  It seems that the conclusions are likely to be consistent with dreams of dying and deathbed visions and visitations recorded throughout history: that most of the time the person is comforted by the dream or vision of their impending demise, as if Psyche were assisting with the transitions as a kind of midwife.

The Experience Is More Likely to be Labelled a “Vision” if it is Comforting to the Dying Person

If the experience is upsetting to the person, typically a patient receiving hospice care, it might otherwise be termed a “hallucination” or “delirium.”  But I like the unequivocal language of this post from Crossroads Hospice about end-of-life visions:

These visions are not hallucinations or a reaction to medication. The most important thing to do if your loved one is seeing visions or having visitation dreams is to acknowledge and support them. Do not argue with your loved one about the experience, correct them, or try to explain the vision. Do not panic as that can upset your loved one. Instead, take them at their word and encourage them to share the experience with you.

“As a caregiver, it is not our job to prove, disprove, or do experiments,” says Carolyn. “We are there to provide support and comfort.

In most cases, these end-of-life visions are indeed a source of great comfort to the person experiencing them.

It’s reassuring to know that as more people are able to die at home with support from hospice care provided, this aspect of the death taboo is losing more of its sting.  A link to one last resource guide is in order, this one McGill University called “Nearing the End of Life: A Guide for Relatives and Friends of the Dying.”

© 2017 Barbara Cashman  www.DenverElderLaw.org

 

Dreaming Into Retirement Planning

Dreamtime Batik

I recently ran across an article by financial “coach” Chris Hogan  about the importance of having a dream to inspire us to plan for and to carry out our plan for retirement.

Hogan’s tactic is to motivate, not intimidate or strike fear. His book “Retire Inspired: It’s Not an Age, It’s a Financial Number” and if you’re interested in listening to one of his podcasts, here’s a link to that.

I liked this idea and of course it wasn’t new.  I thought of Richard Leider, the author who penned the book “Life Reimagined” in 2013 and has championed risk-taking for folks over 50 while cautioning us against being a “former” anything in retirement.  You can watch his Ted x talk about the importance of finding your purpose, particularly to motivate retired people to get out of bed in the morning.

Can we dream into our purpose when we are facing retirement?

Dreaming can, at any time or stage of our lives, help us find our place in the world and to help identify the challenges which face us.   Dreams can help us construct our own personal mythology, our story in terms of what we are here to do and how we are meant to be in this world.

I suppose it depends on how you define “dreaming “of course  – and whether we work on the dreams or they work on us.  I am rather fond of Dr. Jung’s quote from Dreams, Memories, Reflections, which he wrote when he was eighty-one:

Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakes.

It’s a rather slippery slope, isn’t it?  Particularly for us Americans who have always felt so strongly about being in charge of our lives.  We who know such boundaries and demarcations flowing from our sense of autonomy. Retirement forces us to think differently about what we do with the rest of our lives.  We often thing about this as a sad, backward gaze, held and nurtured for its lost glory.  But it can be a time for us to lighten our load of our thinking about our lives and about its doings.  Perhaps it can be liberation.

Leider talks about the three “M’s” of money, medicine (health) and meaning – the fundamental things that help us identify what we really need so we can be free to leave behind the other things that may simply distract us.

I think for many of us the fear of retirement, and why we are loath to plan for it, is that we don’t want to allow ourselves the space to dream because, well, it might not be what we think we “always wanted” or what was expected of us.  I think it also has a lot to do with our fear of aging in general as the run up to the inevitable end of our lives.

So what to do in the meantime?

Start dreaming, particularly your own dream, not someone else’s!  And if you don’t want to dream because it sounds too silly, then take Leider’s napkin test and see if you can pull that off!  Get together with a loved one or colleague and take “the napkin test” to discover what is really important to you, what gives you joy and allows you to feel connected to others.  Stop and reflect.  You can watch (on Daniel Pink’s website) a one minute and twenty second video featuring Leider explaining how to do this

I’ve condensed a bit of Hogan’s advice here from that Washington Post article above:

  • A secure retirement isn’t accidental;
  • Dream your dream and make a plan that will get you to that dream;
  • Execute the plan with a commitment to do what is necessary to bring it to fruition.

Lastly, here is another article by Hogan about  What do you need to do to retire with $1 million?

Happy dreaming!

© 2017 Barbara Cashman  www.DenverElderLaw.org