Another post about caregiving and living arrangements

Santa Fe sculpture

Santa Fe sculpture

In looking once again at aging in place, let’s look at whether you really need to know what a NORC is and how it is different from a CCRC.

Conventional wisdom dictates that most of us would want to stay where we are as we grow older, but this isn’t always the case.  It depends on the person’s unique circumstances.  Some of these factors include:

The kind of home or condo you own – does it require lots of maintenance and have stairs or other factors that require lots of physical attention?

Is it necessary to drive a car to get groceries, visit friends, or get to social activities, or can you carpool or use public transportation?

Many people don’t think about the social isolation factor of staying in their own familiar home, but if an elder doesn’t have friends or neighbors nearby that can check in on them, elders can become isolated in a solitary and repetitive routine that can be deleterious to their emotional and mental health!

Refining the balance of social engagement and doing your own thing is something that is often required for successful aging in place.  Change is the only constant, but many of us will voice concerns about maintaining our “independence” at all costs.  With so many baby boomers reaching elderhood now, it will be interesting to see the myriad and innovative ways that boomers meet this challenge.  Apart from their huge number, boomers have a relatively high proportion of divorce and remarriage (blended families) as well as co-habitation.  There really is no “norm” for the boomers in this regard!

I think the best advice for folks nearing retirement and hoping to age in place and otherwise stay put is to consider all relevant options and to make a plan.  I particularly like the Dwight Eisenhower quote in this context:

In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.
In my line of work, I find that people often think that sticking to a plan (or more likely, just some fixed idea about how things would turn out) is the most important thing.  As if life were something we could plan and force execution of the plan!  We are so checklist and task-obsessed in our busy world, we tend to forget that the planning process is the both the end as well as the means – not the fashioning of a solid plan which often must be adjusted and sometimes jettisoned.  This is one of the reasons I often refer to the work I do for clients as helping them identify a strategy.

If you want to think about this aging-in-place notion a bit more, here’s a post from Fidelity about success factors to consider in staying put as you grow older.

One of the factors that can help elders age in place is staying put in a place, a community, a neighborhood, that has plenty of supportive services which many elders will need as they age.  Enter the NORC, the naturally occurring retirement community!

The NORC, yes it’s legit, it’s in Wikipedia!  NORCs have been broadly defined as communities where individuals or couples either remain in or move to when they retire.

Of course what is “natural” in the naturally occurring retirement community is a rather broad and generous concept.  This could be as simple as an apartment complex for elders, a housing development or a neighborhood.  As to the neighborhood concept, this has been well-developed by the NORC Aging in Place Initiative, which is a program of the Jewish Federations of North America.  The full name of the initiative is the NORC-SSP, “SSP” being short for supportive services program, which considers the social services appropriate and necessary to foster independent living for elders.

Some of the important factors include financial considerations, which vary widely among those already retired the “semi-retired” and those still years away.  People are generally working longer, and this is probably a good thing for the majority of people, but some have no choice in the matter.

In my last post, I looked at the importance of having this conversation about aging and caregiving arrangements before there is any crisis.  I often work with people (and their loved ones) who suffer from progressive diseases which practically demand such conversations – those with multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, ALS, as well as other neurodegenerative conditions which have both a physical and cognitive or mental health component.  Some of these folks will do the planning and have the financial ability to choose a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) which is also a kind of NORC.

As I am often reminded. . . . Aging is not for sissies!  It is, of course, best done with a plan including effective durable powers of attorney and other means to choose in the event of incapacity.

I’ll close with a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, who reminds us that human growth is always a possibility, no matter where we find ourselves:

Always do what you are afraid to do.

© Barbara E. Cashman 2016   www.DenverElderLaw.org

 

Caregiving Arrangements and Elders: The Next Conversation We Need to Have

Youthful Exuberance

Youthful Exuberance

Death denial and youth glorification go hand in hand in our culture.  Today, I’ll look a bit more at some of the cost of denial in terms of aging and a loss in capacity for the majority of us.  I’ll start with some questions . . .  How many of us will voluntarily give up our car keys? How many will willingly concede to family or friends that we are having a difficult time managing our daily existence?  In my experience, the number is small.  It takes a combination of honest self-assessment, a well-developed self-awareness, a special types of candor, or just something catastrophic that “calls the question!”   For the former, I think of a cousin’s late father, just a few years older than my father (his cousin).  He was a retired physician and at one point detected some cognitive “slippage” which did not seem to be age-related.  He got himself to the doctor and shortly after getting his dementia diagnosis, updated his estate plan and moved to another state with his wife to live his remaining years close to one of his children.   His children no longer resided in the same state where they were raised.

Many of us would not be willing to make such a drastic change, perhaps because it doesn’t fit in with our idea of how our life in our elder years is “supposed to be” and doesn’t seem to fit with our idea of how we should “be independent” and not be a burden on loved ones.  But often the simple denial of the inevitable, along with the lack of planning and of stock-taking, means that we most certainly will be a burden on our loved ones.  I have joked with clients about this, that no client has ever informed me that they want to be a burden on their adult children . . . !

Of course there is also the financial piece of the planning.  Given the meager state of average retirement savings for many boomers and other elders, along with the hard reality that many retirees are just one health catastrophe away from bankruptcy, some folks take the “why bother?” approach as an excuse to do nothing.  Procrastination is, after all, an effective means by which to focus on what really matters – or at least what keeps us busy, which are seldom the same thing!

Okay, enough with the wisecracks. Death denial is only one side of the coin here so to speak, and on the other side is the youth glorification, its own form of denial of encroaching mortality.  In our present independence obsessed “aging in place” mantra muttering mainstream, we often fail to see the hidden costs of our independence and the burdens it often places on others.

Yes, I’m thinking of all the family (unpaid) caregivers.  The vast majority would not have it any other way most of the time, but the fact is that our longevity is getting longer and less financially certain all the time!  Couple that with the shrinking number of women (the ones who have tended to provide these services) who do not work outside the home who are available for such work) and it can cause some genuine concern.  More of us, particularly many of the divorced and single baby boomer cohort, will face much more interesting challenges with our often fractured and reconfigured family lives.  There is no “standard template” for a blended family relationship.

While I’m thinking of it, here’s a link to a recent US News & World Report article about family caregiving and how its future is changing.

Another aspect of the youth glorification beyond the self-loathing some elders feel is the denigration of the aged, the ideas that elders are no longer worthy because of their diminished capacity, usefulness or social or economic relevance.  This is when being an elder becomes a human rights issue!  Yes, I’ve blogged about the human rights of elder previously, but this is an evolving field.  I’ve recently learned about an organization called The Global Alliance for the Rights of Older People.  This organization is comprised of several international organizations as well as nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) who work together to raise awareness of the threats and challenges elders face in different parts of the world and supports the creation of international human rights instruments as tools to strengthen the rights of older people.

So I will close with an observation which I believe is illustrated by a Carl Sandburg poem featured below.  Is it really too difficult to filter through the noise and the modern day disease of incessant busy-ness to talk about this?  What if we could consider the present importance of our relationships which sustain us in a long term “what if” scenario that went beyond the planning for our inevitable demise?  Would that change the way we are living right now?  I think it would.  I also think quieting the mind and considering the stillness is one means of opening the door to welcome those questions for contemplation and consideration.

The Answer, by Carl Sandburg

You have spoken the answer.
A child searches far sometimes
Into the red dust
                          On a dark rose leaf
And so you have gone far
                         For the answer is:
                                                 Silence.

 In the republic
Of the winking stars
                          and spent cataclysms
Sure we are it is off there the answer is hidden and folded over,
Sleeping in the sun, careless whether it is Sunday or any other day

       of the week,

Knowing silence will bring all one way or another.

Have we not seen
Purple of the pansy
                   out of the mulch
                   and mold
                   crawl
                   into a dusk
                   of velvet?
                   blur of yellow?
Almost we thought from nowhere but it was the silence,
                   the future,
                   working.

© Barbara E. Cashman 2016   www.DenverElderLaw.org